loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
did i just pee glitter
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
