Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
