im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Randomize
