cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
