I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
