Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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