Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
