We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
