I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
my sisters under your porch take her home
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
