My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
