Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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