he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
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Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
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I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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