she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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