no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
