Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
