so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
