someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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