go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
