Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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