Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
