last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
