i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
