I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
