today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
