I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
