How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Randomize