So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
