I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
