His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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