the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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