Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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