There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
