make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
