You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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