She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
