If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Randomize
