How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize