just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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