I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
