textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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