btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
