Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
