i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
