I have demons in me.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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