Pregnant stripper...not hot.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
