i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
