my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
