we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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