You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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