Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
