you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
