Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
