You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
