Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
