Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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