Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
