I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
