I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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