I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
