her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
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he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
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I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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