did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Randomize
