i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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