hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
