So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
