I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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