I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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