i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
We're too hungover to prance.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
