Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
