I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
