you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
