I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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