I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
