I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
